It’s been a year....
A year ago we were hearing about COVID, wondering what it was and what it meant for us. Even as we moved into shut-down, I know I continued to think that someone would figure this out and life would go on as normal. Then, the shutdown came... “for two weeks to flatten the curve…” As we all know now, that was just the beginning. The beginning of a year of collective trauma, a year of isolation, a year of uncertainty, and for many a year of heartbreak and loss. I have been thinking a lot about loss and grief and the many forms it has taken these last 12 months.
The losses experienced have been different for everyone, but I would argue that everyone has experienced some form of loss. Examples include loss of events and milestones, loss of stability (including financial), loss of purpose, loss of businesses, careers, or school, loss of connections, loss of autonomy. Some of these losses are temporary--we will eventually be able to socialize with people we haven’t been able to see in person or do the activities we used to enjoy but now feel unsafe. Some losses, however, are permanent. A teen who completed their senior year online probably won’t be re-doing that year to have the experience of being in-person. Someone who lost their business may not have the means to re-launch it. And of course, too many people have lost loved ones to this virus.
No matter what the loss, the grief is real, and as we near the anniversary of the first shut-downs here in Austin, that grief may intensify for some. With grief, it can be helpful to remember the following:
Grief comes in waves. It’s not a fixed or linear process of diminishing, but instead can feel lighter at times and then crushing again.
There’s no right or wrong way to grieve--everyone’s experience is different and whatever you are feeling is okay!
It doesn’t help to compare losses. What you feel is what you feel regardless of whether your loss seems “bigger” or “smaller” than someone else’s. Your experience is unique to you.
Stay connected. While your experience is unique, it can help to know that you aren’t alone and that others may have similar experiences.
You may feel tired, achy, have difficulty concentrating or remembering things (although you should see a doctor if you think you may have a physical ailment).
Practice self-compassion: Think about what you would say to a friend who was struggling with similar feelings, and treat yourself in the same way.
Here are some self-care ideas. It can take some time to find what works for you, so I encourage you not to give up if the first few things you try aren’t helping.
While I don’t know what the long-term impacts of the last year will be, I know that it will take time to process our experiences and feelings. Whatever the losses you or your loved ones have experienced, I think that acknowledging them is a good place to start. It’s been a tough year. It really has. And, us humans are resilient. We will find ways to move forward and even thrive.